Naruto What If
by i r Kei
Summary: Hello all. Title basically says it all. Chapter one has all the info you need so read up my little duckies!
1. Guidlines

**Information:**

For all of those lazy authors and untalented writers (no offense), I bring you - What If…

My editor agrees- this is a good idea! Also, it's because I normally hate paying attention in class. (This is a good way to do that)

Please read the guidelines - they have how you get your ideas heard.

Guidelines 

1) Before you even think about continuing- please make sure your "What If…" is less than T.

I will ignore it if it isn't- I want no M rated things found at my home because I will be grounded and you'll all have to wait longer.

2) Consider /my/ life when waiting for the story to go up. I have friends, I have school and homework. Hell, I even have a boyfriend. Also, consider my editor's life. She might not be able to edit my stories right when I want her to, and she might not be able to check the reviews. So please, be patient with her as well.

3) I follow the American Manga/Anime series. Please don't go past those or things won't be done or will be done poorly.

4) These stories won't go out of daily life. I.E.- if you want a "What If…" for Kiba, Kisame won't be showing up. (Unless specified)

5) The "What If…" ideas will be chosen by my editor. Don't blame her if you "What If…" isn't chosen, blame me. It'll probably be my fault. She will base her choice on /my/ writing abilities, and also hers.

6) Now you want to know how to submit your "What If…" idea. I'll tell you- leave it in a review. I check my story stats EVERYDAY! So please, take advantage of it.

* * *

I need more people to submit "What If..."s. The next part will be up soon, Editor-sama just needs to read it and edit it. 


	2. Nachos

Not my idea. You have Ellen Simpson of fan fic to thank.

I got this idea eating dinner. You can guess what I was eating by the title.

It's short, but deal with it.

Thank you again Aly-chan, for being an awesomely awesome editor. You rock.

* * *

Naruto Uzumaki - genin Leaf ninja of the Konoha Village. Blonde hair, blue eyes, orange jumpsuit, Konoha headband. 

Naruto Uzumaki - ramen enthusiast.

Breakfast, lunch, and dinner- ramen, ramen, and ramen.

The sun was just starting to set when Team Seven stumbled through the gates of Konoha Village. Of course, Kakashi Hatake had a grin on his face- though it was hidden behind his dark mask. The three genin had frowns on their lips, cuts and bruises on their bodies, and empty, growling stomachs. And, as usual, Sasuke was the first one to retreat from the group, evading Sakura's question to join her for dinner. Then Sakura would find some excuse not to eat with Naruto and leave, leaving student and teacher together.

"I have to file this report," Kakashi would say lazily and disappear in a cloud of smoke.

Naruto grumbled to himself before his stomach over powered him. He had an idea- he would meet Iruka at the Ichiraku Ramen shop. He grinned his foxy grin and set off down the street, disregarding the fact that moments before he could hardly stand up.

"Iruka-sensei!" Naruto called, waving his hands over his head when he spotted his ninja academy teacher.

"Oh, hey Naruto," Iruka called back, smiling when he saw Naruto.

"I'm starving Iruka-sensei. Let's get some ramen!"

"Actually, Naruto… there's going to be a problem with that..."

"Huh?"

Naruto looked behind his sensei at Ichiraku.

"What do you mean? The shop's right there," he told Iruka, staring up at him.

"Yes, well you see the shop is here… it's just that the ramen isn't…"

"WHAT?!"

Naruto ran past his sensei and straight into Ichiraku, staring in disbelief at what was on the counter in front of a customer. Chips, of some sort, with chili and melted cheese.

"What the hell is this?" Naruto questioned, eyes wide.

Iruka came up behind him.

"Nachos," he explained, ordering a plate of them for Naruto. "Try them."

Naruto sat hesitantly, waiting for the nachos to be served. When they were he looked at Iruka, who just nodded, before turning to face the nachos. He picked one up, fully loaded with cheese and chili, and took a bite.

Naruto Uzumaki - genin Leaf ninja of the Konoha Village. Blonde hair, blue eyes, orange jumpsuit, Konoha headband.

Naruto Uzumaki - nacho enthusiast.


	3. Fox Tales

_Hello all! It's Aly-chan's turn! This idea was submitted by __**Shelby Babb**__. Thanks for contributing! And thanks to Katsune-chan for letting me write this one! -glomps- Yippee! I think this came out a little weird, but whatever. That's what makes it fun! ONWARD!_

_Disclaimer: Don't own Naruto. Quit asking._

* * *

This had all started out so simply. He was just supposed to sneak into Sakura's house, steal her diary, and return to Ichiraku's to collect his 50 bucks from Kiba. Now it seemed that he himself would have to pay up…if he could get out of this cage, that is.

That's right. Uzumaki Naruto was caught in a cage. And, somehow, it wasn't Sakura who had caught him. He was in the city pound and stuck in the form of a little nine-tailed fox. Why didn't he just turn back, you wonder? HIS CAGE WAS TOO SMALL! Duh. Anyways, here he was, stuck in a cage when he was _supposed_ to be stealing Sakura's diary. His only hope was to be adopted or to be let out of the cage for an examination, but an examination would also mean sedation. So, his only hope was adoption. He laid there, contemplating the issue ('cause Naruto ALWAYS contemplates) when Sakura walked in to look at all the animals up for adoption. Seeing his chance, Naruto put on the best puppy-dog eyes he could muster and whimpered to get Sakura's attention.

"Aww…he's adorable! I definitely want this one!" Sakura exclaimed, fortunately looking right at Naruto. She ran out, most likely to fill out papers, then came back to bring him home, cage and all.

Once they had arrived at Sakura's house, Sakura let Naruto out of the cage and went to the kitchen to get him some food. Astounded by his good luck, Naruto immediately ran off to look for Sakura's room. He found it easily enough and was surprised to find that the door was left ajar. _'A person can't possibly have this much good luck in one day,'_ he thought, completely forgetting the incident with the pound. _'I'll just find the diary quickly, an—hey! what's happening!'_

"Naughty, naughty," Sakura scolded, picking the little fox up. "I guess I need to train you a little before I let you wonder around," she sighed as she put Naruto back in the cage. Just as she turned around to go back to the kitchen, she heard a loud crash behind her. She looked over her shoulder, fearing the worst—only to let her jaw drop in pure fangirl amazement.

"AHHHHHHHH!" she screeched. "I CAN'T BELIEVE IT, ITACHI IS IN MY HOUSE!" She ran to the phone to call all the fangirls in the village so that they could all witness this amazing event.

Itachi blinked in confusion before looking down at Naruto in the cage. He smirked evilly before picking up the cage and walking out the knocked-down front door. _'A person can't possibly have this much good luck in one day,' _he thought. Then he saw the fangirls. _'I knew this was too good to be true…'_

The fangirls attacked, Naruto escaped in the chaos, Sakura cried for her lost pet, and Itachi was forced to crawl back to the Akatsuki completely naked.

* * *

_Aly: Umm…yeah…that was fun…'_

_Sasuke: -infamous Uchiha death glare-_

_Aly: What?_

_Sasuke: -still glaring-_

_Aly: What? You jealous that the fangirls went after Itachi instead of you?_

_Sasuke: -glares harder-_

_Aly: Geez, I know I let Naruto get caught by Itachi, but he DID escape._

_Sasuke: -glare-_

_Aly: …_

_Sasuke: …_

_Aly: Ok, FINE! I stole your Naruto plushie! -gives it back- Happy now!_

_Sasuke: Hn. -walks off-_

_Aly: Wow, I'm surprised he didn't kill me for announcing that he has a plushie…-kunai whizzes by- SASUKE, YOU MISSED! Wait a minute…-looks at kunai- AHHHH! EXPLODING TAG! RUN AWAY! -runs away-_

_**BOOM!**_


	4. Sasuke Uchiha for Akatsuki Leader

**Disclaimer**- don't own, blah, blah… (Note- Deidara is still alive… I NEED HIM!)

**Warnings**- Hidan's language, Uchihacest (yummy!), the Akatsuki, Sasuke's sexy emoness, Itachi's death, Orochimaru's name.

Thanks to missCeilidh for the idea. .

* * *

"Any last words, aniki?" 

"I love you Sasuke-kun," came Itachi's choked reply.

"Heh," the raven-haired Uchiha retorted. "Too bad."

Sasuke ran his sword through Itachi's heart before cutting his brother in half. That's when /it/ happened- the cheering. Sasuke had apparently gathered an audience for his fight with Itachi.

"Hooray!" Tobi cheered.

"Finally," Kisame grumbled.

"Yeah! I'm the prettiest one now!" Deidara shouted.

"Shut up!" Pein hissed, jumping down from his perch to stand next to Sasuke and Itachi's corpse.

Sasuke jumped back, clenching his sword. Pein bent down and pulled the ring from Itachi's finger. He tossed it to Sasuke, and Sasuke, due to his reflexes, caught it. Even after he held it in his hand, he didn't trop it. He was interested.

"What is this?" Sasuke asked.

"You killed him, so now we're down a member. You're taking his place," Pein explained, jumping back to the tree he had been hiding in.

"He's better looking anyway," Kisame said from his tree, standing.

Pein had disappeared into the forest, and it seemed as though Kisame were ready to follow. He did, and Deidara was close behind. Sasuke was debating on following them when Tobi landed beside him.

"Isn't this great Sasuke-kun?" he asked.

"Hn," Sasuke grunted, jumping into the trees.

Tobi followed.

* * *

"Sasuke for Akatsuki Leader!" 

Chanting woke Sasuke- and that didn't make him happy. He sat up, rubbing the sleep from his eyes.

"Sasuke for Akatsuki Leader!'

Sasuke climbed out of his bed and pulled on the issued black cloak. He opened his door to find six Akatsuki members standing outside his door, chanting.

"Sasuke for Akatsuki Leader!"

Five of them turned and saw Sasuke, leaving Tobi chanting by himself.

"Sasuke for-!" he stopped, noticing no one else was cheering anymore. "Oh! Hiya Sasuke-kun!"

"What are you doing?" Sasuke grumbled.

"What the fuck does it look like we're doing?" Hidan questioned.

"Waking me up."

Sasuke pushed his way through the members. Someone grabbed his sleeve, and he turned to see Deidara.

"We want you for Akatsuki Leader!"  
"Leader…?" Sasuke said, amused.

* * *

--Sasuke's Fantasy--

* * *

Sasuke sat in a chair that was very much like a throne. Tobi stood on his left, mask lifted to reveal his mouth and nose. Deidara stood on Sasuke's right, a scowl on his face. Of course, they wore normal attire- not the uniform of an Akatsuki member. Konan stepped up to the foot of the throne, announcing she was 'done'. 

"Konan likes Oro, doesn't she?" Tobi teased, grinning.

"Shut up!" Konan hissed, a blush on her face.

"Hn…" Sasuke grunted, announcing that Konan was dismissed.

"Move your ass, bitch," Hidan growled, pulling Konan away.

Sasuke looked up at Deidara, and the blonde left. Sasuke beckoned Tobi to bend down, and he did. Sasuke wrapped his arms around Tobi's neck, kissing him gently.

* * *

--Reality--

* * *

"Vote Sasuke! Vote Sasuke!" 

Cheering (from the only six members on Sasuke's side) broke out as Sasuke stood in front of his fellow Akatsuki members. He had Tobi hold giant cards up- the first of which read "Sasuke Wants Power". Laughter greeted the words and Sasuke turned to glare at them.

"Tobi, who wrote this?" he asked, irritated.

"Deidara-senpai did Sasuke-kun!"

"Hn…" Sasuke grumbled, turning to the crowd of Akatsuki. "Vote for me and you won't have uniforms."

The first card had an Akatsuki cloak crossed out.

"Konan will be our whore!"

A picture of Konan in a skimpy outfit. Everyone, except Konan, cheered.

"Teams will be reformed."

A picture of all the members with different teammates.

"Thank you."

Only the six members following Sasuke cheered. The crowd was silent when Pein took Sasuke's place.

"When a group of people have a say in their government it's a democracy. When they can vote for their leader it's a democracy."

For some reason everyone cheered.

"Well, my fellow Akatsuki members, I have something to tell you. This isn't a democracy, it's a dictatorship- and I'm your leader!"

Silence… and then-

"Fuck you Pein!" Hidan yelled.

"That's not nice!" Deidara added.

"Hell no, Pein will go!" Hidan chanted.

Hell no, Pein will go! Hell no, Pein will go!" the other Akatsuki members added.

Sasuke smirked, crossing his arms as Kakuzu and Hidan forced Pein to bow at his feet.

"I win," Sasuke said, standing. "Game over."

* * *

Sasuke Uchiha's New Team List! 

Sasuke-Tobi

Deidara-Kisame

Hidan-Pein

Kakuzu-Zetsu

The whore- Konan

* * *

Bonus work! 

(If Sasuke were any Kage it'd be…)

Sasuke: Kazekage… why? Watch…

Gaara: Kazekage-sama, where'd my cookie go?

Sasuke: I stole it. -holds cookie-

Gaara: Give it back! -whine-

Sasuke: No. -eats cookie-

Gaara: I'm stealing Temari-chan's eyeliner and being emo! T-T -leaves-

Sasuke: You do that, Gaara… you do that…


	5. Furball

_Um, hello? Please don't kill me. I got this chapter finished, see? Aly-chan's a good girl, ok? Besides, Sasuke-kun nearly succeeded in killing me last time. I had to be put in Rite R. Block's Hospital for more than a month! But I'm back now, so be grateful!_

_Sasuke: -snort-_

_Aly: O.O Sasuke what are you doing in my opening author's note?!_

_Sasuke: I don't know. You were the one who wrote me in here._

_Aly: -raises eyebrow- -grins crazily- I know. Naruto kicked you out of the ending note for hurting me, didn't he?_

_Sasuke: -glares-_

_Aly: Hey, I didn't kick you out._

_Sasuke: -holds up a kunai-_

_Aly: --; Ok, ok. I'll convince him to let you back in. But you'll have to wait until AFTER the story, ok?_

_Sasuke: Hn. -lowers kunai-_

_Aly: Alright. As per usual with this series, this was not my idea. The idea was suggested by __**SunWhiskerOfDawnClan**__. I hope you'll enjoy my interpretation. Also:_

_WARNING: Hyuugacest. Yes, incest. Don't like, don't read._

_DISCLAIMER: Ok, the _ideas_ aren't even mine for this. Why would you expect the characters to be? I do not own Naruto._

_Well, I guess all that's left to say is: Please read and review!_

-----

"YOU WHAT?!" screamed a very stressed Tsunade. "HOW IN THE WORLD DID YOU MANAGE TO GET KIBA TURNED INTO A KITTEN?!"

"We completed the mission, Hokage-sama," said Shino in his usual matter-of-fact manner.

"THAT'S NOT THE POINT! IT'S GONNA TAKE ME FOREVER TO FIND—I mean…STUDY THE SCROLLS NEEDED TO CURE HIM! HE CAN'T GO HOME LIKE THIS! WHO THE HELL IS GONNA TAKE CARE OF HIM?! Ah, Kurenai, there you are. Will you take care of Kiba?"

Kurenai paused and looked up on her way into the Hokage's office. "You want me to do WHAT?!"

"Calm down. These blockheads," as she indicated Shino, Hinata, and a little brown tabby kitten, "got Kiba turned into a cat. I need SOMEONE to take care of him until I can cure him."

"I see. Well, I can't do it—my apartment doesn't allow pets," Kurenai answered as she walked the rest of the way into the office.

"Alright," Tsunade sighed. "Well, Shino-"

"No."

Tsunade's temple pulsed. "Why you little…Hinata can you take him, then?"

"Umm, well, I…"

"Good, then. That's settled. Off you go—I have work to do," Tsunade dismissed them, eyeing a bottle of sake in the corner. "Oh, and do NOT tell anyone else about this."

-----

Hinata sighed as she got home, knowing her family would not be happy about this. Thank Kami-sama her father and sister weren't home. She glanced down at the kitten in her arms, not entirely believing that it was Kiba. After all, wouldn't Kiba usually have been sulking or struggling against her grip or something? As it was, all he was doing was purring contentedly in his sleep. She blushed at the thought of a human Kiba purring but soon shook the idea from her head. She made a quick bed out of a pile of blankets for Kiba, laid him in it, then crossed the room to fall into her own bed.

-----

As the sun hit her face, Hinata stretched and yawned. Eyes cloudy from sleep, she clumsily got up and changed before starting to run out her bedroom door to get breakfast. Just as her fingertips grazed the door handle, she froze. She turned her head slowly, remembering the other presence in her room. Seeing that Kiba was still asleep, she sighed with relief and continued out the door. Meanwhile, the little kitten lazily opened one eye. _'That was quite a show.'_ Kiba mentally smirked and laid his head back down, hoping to take advantage of his current form by sleeping in. Just as he was about to go back to sleep, however, he raised his head in alarm, feeling like he was being watched. Looking around and deciding it had just been his imagination, Kiba settled into the blankets and went to sleep for real.

-----

'_I've got to be more careful! He could've been awake that whole time!'_ a very distressed Hinata was thinking as she arrived at the kitchen.

"Good morning, Hinata-sama," a voice made the anxious girl jump.

"Ah! G-good morning, Neji-nii-san…" she managed. "Father a-and Hanabi…are-are they back, yet?"

Neji frowned. "No, I don't believe they are. Why?"

"N-nothing! I was just wondering…" Neji raised an eyebrow but didn't question.

Hinata bit her lip, not sure whether or not to tell Neji about the extra presence in the house. Just as she made up her mind to keep the kitten a complete secret for as long as possible, a brown blur streaked through the kitchen. Neither Hyuuga nor Neji could move a muscle as they stared blankly at the spot where the kitten had just disappeared out the door.

"What…was that?" Neji ground out. Hinata barely had time to look at him nervously before another blur rushed past them—this time black and much larger.

"I th-thought you s-said she wasn't home!" Hinata stuttered and darted after the two figures in a sudden panic. Not quite knowing what was going on, Neji decided to leave the drama between the two sisters. After all, as Shikamaru would say, chasing after them would be too troublesome right now. He would find out what the hell just happened after he had his breakfast.

-----

Meanwhile, Hinata raced through the house, desperately trying to find Kiba before her sister did. _'I hope he's okay!'_ she thought as she ran. Hearing noises up ahead, she quickened her pace only to stop dead in her tracks as she came upon a gruesome scene. Hanabi had the poor kitten strapped to a dirty metal examination table. _'Where did that come from? No, no. Must concentrate on saving Kiba.'_ Poor Kiba was mewing pathetically while Hanabi stood over him laughing maniacally and clutching a sharp scalpel of questionable sterility.

"Muahahahaha! I WILL gain super cool eyes! I swear it! (_A/N-Irony anyone?_) MUAHAHAHAHAHA!" she was saying while slowly lowering the scalpel to the kitten's throat. Just as Kiba started to see his life flash before his eyes (there really wasn't that much to see, but…), Hinata leaped into action, grabbing Hanabi's hand just in time.

"Nee-chan, what are you doing?!" the younger Hyuuga asked as if Hinata were the one holding a scalpel to a defenseless kitten's throat.

"H-Hanabi! How many times do we have to remind you that Byakugan is the coolest kind of eye you could have?!" Hinata screamed in an uncharacteristic burst of anger. Hanabi huffed but didn't protest. She wriggled out of her older sister's grasp and walked out of the room, muttering.

"Hmph. Sharingan eyes are cooler…"

Hinata sighed and turned to release Kiba from his bonds. "I h-hope she didn't h-hurt—" and with that, she gasped and fainted.

-----

Neji was calmly finishing his breakfast when he heard the distinct thump that meant Hinata had fainted from embarrassment—again. Sighing, he activated his Byakugan to locate the trouble. When he saw the scene on the other side of the house, he immediately took off in that direction. _'Oh, HELL NO!' _he thought.

-----

The very human, very _naked_ Kiba looked around desperately for clothes to cover himself. _'How the hell did I manage to turn back to normal?!'_ He had just managed to find some clothes and pull them on when Neji, cool as a cucumber (despite his earlier haste), swaggered into the room.

"What are you doing, Inuzuka?" he questioned. Kiba brought a hand up to scratch the back of head.

"Um, well, this is…we need to help Hinata…" he trailed off. Neji raised an eyebrow.

"What happened to her?" Neji continued to interrogate Kiba with a threatening undertone in his voice.

"It's, uh, a long story." Neji crossed his arms with practiced patience.

"I have time." Kiba almost retorted but quickly decided that angering a Hyuuga was definitely NOT a wise course of action. He rapidly relayed the story, trying to keep it as brief as possible.

"…and then I turned back to normal, but my clothes were gone. That's when Hinata fainted…" Reassured that his precious cousin's virginity was intact, Neji relaxed and gave Kiba a curt nod.

"Well, then. Let's get Hinata-sama to bed and you can report to Hokage-sama when she wakes up." Kiba nodded in agreement and went to fetch some water while Neji carried Hinata carefully to her room.

-----

"…and that's what happened, Hokage-sama," Kiba finished explaining to Tsunade how he had suddenly turned back into a human. "Do you have any idea why I changed back?"

"Well…" Kiba and Hinata stared at her anxiously. And stared. And stared.

"WELL WHAT?!" Kiba screamed. Tsunade shrugged.

"The jutsu must've worn off." The two teammates sweat dropped but didn't reply.

"W-well, then…" Hinata piped up, "I guess we'll go, Hokage-sama."

"Sure, go ahead," Tsunade dismissed them. As they were walking out, they passed Shizune on her way to deliver something to Tsunade.

"Tsunade-sama," she said as the door closed behind her, "I have the scroll you were looking for."

"Well, I guess I don't really need it anymore, but let's have a look-see, anyway." Tsunade took the scroll from Shizune and scanned it carefully. Suddenly, her breath hitched. "This is…Shizune, hurry and see if those two have left, yet!"

"A-ah, yes, ma'am!" Shizune ran out only to come back a few moments later saying that they were long gone. Tsunade frowned.

"Hmm…" a wicked grin spread across her face, "Well, at least, things will be interesting…"

-----

Hinata and Kiba walked through the forest, looking for a good place to train.

"Th-that should do, Kiba-kun," Hinata pointed out a clearing just ahead of them.

"Yeah…hey, Hinata?" Hinata turned around.

"Y-yes?" Kiba shifted nervously from foot to foot.

"Would…would you go out with me?" Hinata stared.

"S-sorry," she giggled, "I, uh, don't date cats." She held up a mirror to his face.

"WHAT THE HELL?! I'M FURRY!"

"I g-guess the jutsu didn't w-wear off…y-you should s-see Hokage-sama about th-that. Besides,…"

"She's already taken." Neji appeared right behind Kiba. Kiba turned towards his voice.

"Wh-what d'ya mean?"

Neji smirked. This." With that, Neji stepped towards Hinata and kissed her full on the lips.

"N-Neji-nii-san…n-not here," she breathed. Neji allowed his smirk to widen.

"Well, then. I guess we'll have to take it elsewhere," Neji whispered loudly enough for Kiba to hear. Hinata blushed but allowed him to take her arm and lead her, well, elsewhere, leaving Kiba speechless behind them.

-----

"See, Shizune! I told you it would be interesting!" Tsunade exclaimed from a nearby tree. Shizune sighed.

"Honestly, you can be just as bad as Jiraiya. AND you still have paperwork to finish."

"Shizune, you're no fun. Well, anyway, let's get the poor kid de-furred before we go." Shizune sighed again.

"Well, I guess you would be performing your duty to help people…" Tsunade laughed.

"Yeah, helping, right."

-----

_Aly: Ok, the madness is finally over!_

_Naruto: Aly-chan! -glomps- You're okay!_

_Aly: Of course I'm okay! After all, I'm the authoress!_

_Naruto: -cocks head- What do you mean?_

_Aly: I mean that I can do anything I want! Do you I would still have all my limbs if Sasuke had attacked me in the real world?_

_Naruto: So, wait. You control me?_

_Aly: Yup._

_Naruto: And you control Sasuke._

_Aly: Yup._

_Naruto: ...That means you blew up yourself!_

_Aly: O.O Um, well, I guess so..._

_Naruto: Hey, Sasuke-teme! You can come back now! -grins evilly at Aly-_

_Sasuke: Hn. Aly, you're gonna get it now._

_Aly: O.o Uh, oh. Um, Naruto? Calm down, please? Um, uh...Please review everyone! -runs for her life-_


End file.
